Something of Myself
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Of understanding and beyond
How do you negotiate? Are there any set rules to be followed? Does it happen on your terms?
Is your decision to negotiate a very surrender in itself? :-) I am not talking a hostage like negotiation. I am talking about the little negotiations we make almost everyday of our lives. Tiny ones, ones that inure you to pain.
ne·go·ti·ate
v. ne·go·ti·at·ed, ne·go·ti·at·ing, ne·go·ti·ates
v. intr.
To confer with another or others in order to come to terms or reach an agreement.
v. tr.
To arrange or settle by discussion and mutual agreement: negotiate a contract.
To succeed in going over or coping with.
Therefore, how do you negotiate my history and yours? There are gaps that I am unaware of, moments that I have deliberately forgotten, incidents that have contributed sharply to make the man that I am today, events that have happened because I were responsible for them...It's like the stars in the galaxy - myriads of them...only that it's not really as beautiful as the stars.
There are so many things that I don't know about you. Your history. There is so much space in my head to store information about you. The incessant longing to understand why you did what you did. And yet knowing this, you deprive me of it. You deprive me of your history. We all do. And in the process you deprive me of your present, for it is the present that is receding, steadily, to make your history.
Can we ever tell anyone fully about ourselves? Can we even try? Are we brave enough? It takes a lot of guts to sit down, reflect, introspect and tell the person on the other side of the table, 'Mate, this is my history!' It cannot happen in a day. It will take years.
Life cannot be explained like History. But we can try - to open up. To initiate. A dialogue. A discourse.
Only then will we ever, ever be in a position to negotiate. My history and yours.
How do you negotiate? Are there any set rules to be followed? Does it happen on your terms?
Is your decision to negotiate a very surrender in itself? :-) I am not talking a hostage like negotiation. I am talking about the little negotiations we make almost everyday of our lives. Tiny ones, ones that inure you to pain.
ne·go·ti·ate
v. ne·go·ti·at·ed, ne·go·ti·at·ing, ne·go·ti·ates
v. intr.
To confer with another or others in order to come to terms or reach an agreement.
v. tr.
To arrange or settle by discussion and mutual agreement: negotiate a contract.
To succeed in going over or coping with.
Therefore, how do you negotiate my history and yours? There are gaps that I am unaware of, moments that I have deliberately forgotten, incidents that have contributed sharply to make the man that I am today, events that have happened because I were responsible for them...It's like the stars in the galaxy - myriads of them...only that it's not really as beautiful as the stars.
There are so many things that I don't know about you. Your history. There is so much space in my head to store information about you. The incessant longing to understand why you did what you did. And yet knowing this, you deprive me of it. You deprive me of your history. We all do. And in the process you deprive me of your present, for it is the present that is receding, steadily, to make your history.
Can we ever tell anyone fully about ourselves? Can we even try? Are we brave enough? It takes a lot of guts to sit down, reflect, introspect and tell the person on the other side of the table, 'Mate, this is my history!' It cannot happen in a day. It will take years.
Life cannot be explained like History. But we can try - to open up. To initiate. A dialogue. A discourse.
Only then will we ever, ever be in a position to negotiate. My history and yours.
15 Comments:
great post roy. and very interesting point.
who's history are we negotiating here by the way, or is it to be hypothetical? :)
i dunno roy. personally, i'd say it neednt always be a guts / time / effort whatever issue. it might just be like, huh? what for.
i mean, if someone said to me, why dont u tell me ur history, i'd think they'd gone mad ... like why would i want to? maybe ive just stayed away from the living for too long. i've forgotten these little things people do and why they do them :)
Thank you Mukherjee. Any compliment from you is a prize for me! :-)
Yeah, I can see your pt about 'huh what for?'
If you really think you have stayed away from the living too long, then I think it's time for you to consider...
Anyways, have a great day - it's your's today. All best.
hi there, my introductions are best provided by prero, but you peek here
as well. so, we have this cal-centric blog at
calcutta
and it would be nice if you could join us. take a look and tell us what you think, won't you? :)
my mail id is sunkissed.raindrop@gmail.com -- drop a line if you do agree to join us. incidentally, if you did your undergrad in cal...which college/uni?
Hi Rimi - I'd be pleased to join your blog. I'll mail you today.
I was in Xavier's until +2.
Hmm. No, don't think anybody can expect to 'know' the other person completely. It takes us years to know oneself. Haven't we sometimes surprised ourselves by reacting in a manner we never thought we would?
Yes, but we can definitely keep trying to know the other. After all, that's what makes the journey together beautiful.
:)
"Can we ever tell anyone fully about ourselves? Can we even try? Are we brave enough?"
brave enough- maybe... but comfortable enough- a definite NO
Athena - completely agree with you. :-)
Brood - hmmm...interesting point! Why are we not comfortable telling someone about ourselves if he/she happens to be really close to us? What is it that stops us? Why the reluctance? I wonder...
Brood - I kept thinking about your comment. And one word kept ringing without any definitive context: 'acceptance.' I fail to articulate precisely what I want to say (an off shot of staying too long at work) but I think at some point we need to accept that these are the good things about us and these are the evil things. To my mind, that would be a beginning to understand ourselves and then begin to drop our masks!
What do you guys think? Forgive me if i sound confusing and contradicting! ;)
Pele, do we even know ourselves completely?
Thought-provoking post...
Keshi.
when kids are silent for too long, its time to get worried, cz they r probably upto something. what r u upto. mail korchhilaam no patta. u as usual didnt reply to my comment!
by saying i'v stayed away from the living too long, i meant, long enough to have forgotten (the things they do etc) but not long enough to long for them, so ... :)
Mukherjee...I have been inundated with work...right now, quite drunk, 6 in the morning out here...in office...still not able to crack the positioning of a certain brand! It's sooooooooooo frustrating...and just when we thought we had cracked the BIG IDEA, an ass**** told us that it had been done by competitors earlier on!
So much for now. More later.
So that is that....
Tomar ki proshno chilo bolo to? Whose history are we negotiating? :-) Mine and the people I love. People who matter to me. Like you.
Hmmm. Some peoples history is best buried ... some people. Like me :)
all the best, roy. may u crack all the positioning and whatever. its still ur ex client that rules. ;)
lore jayo, bangali!
Thanks Mukherjee. In the process of cracking the positioning, I have ended up splitting my brains (not that I had much of it anyways)! :-)
Long time no hear. Mail me. Biggie. When you have time.
Take care
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