Something of Myself
Monday, July 05, 2004
Alien?
Now that I am literally done with half of my blessed thesis, I am freaking out about how much I have to do before I leave for India. The whole paperwork of sorting out finances and bills is really driving me nuts. And of course then there are books - books for which I will give up my life but not sell them. I have about 200 books right now in my room and I have to move out of it completely because I'll be coming back to a different room! So storing luggage is also an issue.....
But never mind, these issues are trivial compared to the feeling of going back home after nearly two years. I am scared - scared of feeling like an "alien" in my own country, in my own city, among my own people...I hate that "Oh-he-is-phoren-return" look which normally relatives and likewise tend to give you! But that is true to a certain extent - much to my disliking. :( I can't remember the roads, the route from my house to Xavier's. Bhule Gechi...well, not exactly, its a bit blurred...like when you play your grandfather's vhs - I see India like that now. I am so used to seeing India on the net and on the telly (and of course Bollywood)...so used to seeing her like that, I feel she might even overwhelm me when I land! I guess its a price that you pay for trying to straddle two continents - the familiarity of the unfamiliar.
I still remember Rahamania (Chicken Biriyani and Mutton Chap - Slurp!).
I still remember the phuchkawala by the tubewell at the crossroad.
I still remember Gariahat and the teeming millions, bustling and jostling to get their hands on the last day of the Pujo sale.
I still remember Maddox Square and Northern Park and Md Ali.
I still remember the old man outside Archies who used to give me cigarrettes on "account". :)
I still remember some hazy nights at Some Place Else.
I still remember Oly Pub (the free chanachur with the alcohol is a bloody luxury - take it from me!)
I still remember the smile which my mother was wearing the last time when I was welcomed.
I still remember the twinkle in baba's eyes when he greeted me at the airport.
Did I ever mention anything about being an "alien" in my own country? Oh well, I contradict myself then...I think in too many ways! ;) That's me. Welcome to my world.
Now that I am literally done with half of my blessed thesis, I am freaking out about how much I have to do before I leave for India. The whole paperwork of sorting out finances and bills is really driving me nuts. And of course then there are books - books for which I will give up my life but not sell them. I have about 200 books right now in my room and I have to move out of it completely because I'll be coming back to a different room! So storing luggage is also an issue.....
But never mind, these issues are trivial compared to the feeling of going back home after nearly two years. I am scared - scared of feeling like an "alien" in my own country, in my own city, among my own people...I hate that "Oh-he-is-phoren-return" look which normally relatives and likewise tend to give you! But that is true to a certain extent - much to my disliking. :( I can't remember the roads, the route from my house to Xavier's. Bhule Gechi...well, not exactly, its a bit blurred...like when you play your grandfather's vhs - I see India like that now. I am so used to seeing India on the net and on the telly (and of course Bollywood)...so used to seeing her like that, I feel she might even overwhelm me when I land! I guess its a price that you pay for trying to straddle two continents - the familiarity of the unfamiliar.
I still remember Rahamania (Chicken Biriyani and Mutton Chap - Slurp!).
I still remember the phuchkawala by the tubewell at the crossroad.
I still remember Gariahat and the teeming millions, bustling and jostling to get their hands on the last day of the Pujo sale.
I still remember Maddox Square and Northern Park and Md Ali.
I still remember the old man outside Archies who used to give me cigarrettes on "account". :)
I still remember some hazy nights at Some Place Else.
I still remember Oly Pub (the free chanachur with the alcohol is a bloody luxury - take it from me!)
I still remember the smile which my mother was wearing the last time when I was welcomed.
I still remember the twinkle in baba's eyes when he greeted me at the airport.
Did I ever mention anything about being an "alien" in my own country? Oh well, I contradict myself then...I think in too many ways! ;) That's me. Welcome to my world.
2 Comments:
ur supposed to REPLY to the comments dodobird!
cant wait!!! hope its not weird! u know ... :)
Apologies from dodobird (whatever that might signify)! See I am learning: a wise man once said - Life is like playing a violin instrument and learning about the instrument as I play on! And no its not weird re you "can't wait" - the feeling is reciprocated dear, v much. :)
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