Something of Myself
Thursday, June 15, 2006
This too...
The woods are lovely dark and deep...awfully dark and terribly deep. The path lies in front of me. It was always a matter of choice, wasn't it? Life is about choice, didn't they say? You are what you are because you choose to be this way. Simplistic? Reductive?
What if life was not about the choices we make? What if life was about the lack of choices? What if...?
It'd be pretty boring actually. There used to be days in England when I used to sit in my room and wonder how boring life was. Books, journals, websites, essays, theses, lectures and discourses. That was it. And then it happened. It happened so suddenly that it pulled away the rug beneath my feet. I never realised what happened.
He left.
I just got a feeling that my life was about to be changed. Forever.
Life from now on would never be boring. Challenges to be met. Wishes to remain unfulfilled. Dreams to take a battering. Accusations galore. Fingers everywhere. Truths buried forever. Silenced.
Like Ali put it, "What could not be changed must be borne. And since nothing could be changed, everything had to be borne...It was mantra, fettle and challenge."
And now.
A terrible juncture. Cross road. Three dead ends and only one way. Ruk jana nahi, tu kaahin haar ke, kaanton pe chalke milenge saaye bahar ke...It's amazing how we are so easily lured by promises and all-the-good-things-to-be. Like the moth to the flame...The slightest proposition, the tiniest hope of a peaceful life creates wonders in our mind. The heart flutters. The hormones run in. As if this was the only proposition to be. As if Nostradamus was God.
Million thoughts fighting to come out, like the million sperms swimming towards the female egg. Dodging, nudging, jostling, wriggling and rubbing against each other to reach their destination. The only destination they know.
But here's the best part: even when that single one gets there, there is no sense of relief or fruition. How can there be? After all, you cannot undermine the idea of 'fate.' If it hasn't got to you, it will get to you someday. Soon. And you will realise that you and I, us and them, have no power within us. We are mere pawns, slipping, faltering, losing it and then just about managing to get up and do it all over again. At best, you can give it your best shot and tell your children - This too will pass!
Amen.
The woods are lovely dark and deep...awfully dark and terribly deep. The path lies in front of me. It was always a matter of choice, wasn't it? Life is about choice, didn't they say? You are what you are because you choose to be this way. Simplistic? Reductive?
What if life was not about the choices we make? What if life was about the lack of choices? What if...?
It'd be pretty boring actually. There used to be days in England when I used to sit in my room and wonder how boring life was. Books, journals, websites, essays, theses, lectures and discourses. That was it. And then it happened. It happened so suddenly that it pulled away the rug beneath my feet. I never realised what happened.
He left.
I just got a feeling that my life was about to be changed. Forever.
Life from now on would never be boring. Challenges to be met. Wishes to remain unfulfilled. Dreams to take a battering. Accusations galore. Fingers everywhere. Truths buried forever. Silenced.
Like Ali put it, "What could not be changed must be borne. And since nothing could be changed, everything had to be borne...It was mantra, fettle and challenge."
And now.
A terrible juncture. Cross road. Three dead ends and only one way. Ruk jana nahi, tu kaahin haar ke, kaanton pe chalke milenge saaye bahar ke...It's amazing how we are so easily lured by promises and all-the-good-things-to-be. Like the moth to the flame...The slightest proposition, the tiniest hope of a peaceful life creates wonders in our mind. The heart flutters. The hormones run in. As if this was the only proposition to be. As if Nostradamus was God.
Million thoughts fighting to come out, like the million sperms swimming towards the female egg. Dodging, nudging, jostling, wriggling and rubbing against each other to reach their destination. The only destination they know.
But here's the best part: even when that single one gets there, there is no sense of relief or fruition. How can there be? After all, you cannot undermine the idea of 'fate.' If it hasn't got to you, it will get to you someday. Soon. And you will realise that you and I, us and them, have no power within us. We are mere pawns, slipping, faltering, losing it and then just about managing to get up and do it all over again. At best, you can give it your best shot and tell your children - This too will pass!
Amen.
4 Comments:
'As if Nostradamus was God' ... v nice kiddo. loved this one.
Glad u liked it
not fair ... that 1 person makes so much diff to 1 whole life.
listening to knife
http://itisallhappening.blogspot.com/2006/06/rockwell-cuts-like-knife-song.html
You are right Prerona. But I smell a certain assumption in your comment. Life's is not all black and white. There is more to that. Things like hypocrisy, things like disappointment, like bigotry, adultery...whole lot of them. That is why it's never worth ONE person. And that includes yourself - one can't even sit back and put things at stake for oneself. After all we humans possess an infinite capacity to let ourselves (and others) down. That's the way it is. That's the way it will always be.
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