Something of Myself
Monday, June 07, 2004
It feels a bit weird to be back - back in the same old prison cell thats called Lafrowda. It was good to see Percy after a long time. We did the usual - hit the pub, had the rum, watched the movies, and slept at no later than 7 in the morning! Percy is on his way to completing his PhD...soon he will be Doctor Paul. He might even leave UK if he doesnt get a job - now that'll be truly disastrous for me for obvious reasons.
Anyways, aaj to bodhoy beshi podashuno hobe na. Having said that I have got my hands on some brilliant papers by some top scholars who form the Kipling Scholarship. I had emailed them at Cambridge and they have got back to me very generously. This is something which I like about this country: their professionalism. Jodi bole pathabo, taar maane theek aashbe...Something which India lacks. I cant even dream of mailing some Indian prof at some Indian university and ask for papers that he/she has published. Too far fetched: but then again, its alright - every system has its merits and demerits.
No news from home for a fair bit of time. Hope they are alright. Dad is turning god-knows-what on the 10th of June. Aamar Baba - God I havent seen him for ages! I am dying to get back home, to set foot on the Netaji Subhas Chandra Airport. To experience the first whiff of breeze, the smell, the cops with their suspicious looks...I guess its not too far away now - 13th of August - my DDay.
Sammie is freaking out about one exam which she has to take. Sometimes she really bugs me, but then its alright - its Sammie. No news from my classmates either - post graduate der world ta kemon jeno eka eka...Independent research is what they term it. I like to stick with the isolated-about-to-go-insane approach: it's more accurate.
Sometimes I doubt myself, my capabilities, my aims...in a very Hamlet kind of way (barring the madness of it all). PhD is THE thing that I wanted, aimed at; and now that I am on my way towards it, I have a certain fear of the unknown - terra incognita. Three more years in this godless, mechanical, rigid, monotonous, fucked-up country. It seems like starting all over again. People are right - time does fly...it seems only yesterday that I had come here, to England, to this Phoren land to do my B.A. I have (I would like to believe) grown as a human being during these years - lost some of my qualities, added others and compromised with some of my attitudes. Lekin Life's principles remain the same (not to mention the dont-fuck-with-me principle). Frankly, I have begun to integrate myself in this society. And very surprisingly I am supporting England in the Euro 2004 - a distant possibility I would have thought four years back. But I wonder if England has changed with me too? Will it accept me too? How does it matter? Are we to remain Asian forever - or can we be British with an Indian heritage? I am not saying that I would want to be one but these are questions that demand a politically correct answer in this increasingly diplomatic world. A slip here could well bring doom to oneself. My PhD topic (at some level) is all about the representation of ethnicity in the British culture. Has Britain evolved with the passage of time or has it remained static? Is there any movement? If not, kichu hobe ki? Kobe? How will we come to realise that such a thing is happening? Is there any black in the Union Jack? Is race everything? When will we dispose our colonial baggage - isnt it getting rather heavy and pricey?
I wish I had some answers. I wish I can get into the inner most minds of the white folks and tell them that we are here to stay! That Multiculturalism is as much a sham as Integration is. Britain IS changing - look out - watch the teeming millions walking down Oxford street sporting their Gucci bags. Its just not White. It never was.
God save the Queen.
Anyways, aaj to bodhoy beshi podashuno hobe na. Having said that I have got my hands on some brilliant papers by some top scholars who form the Kipling Scholarship. I had emailed them at Cambridge and they have got back to me very generously. This is something which I like about this country: their professionalism. Jodi bole pathabo, taar maane theek aashbe...Something which India lacks. I cant even dream of mailing some Indian prof at some Indian university and ask for papers that he/she has published. Too far fetched: but then again, its alright - every system has its merits and demerits.
No news from home for a fair bit of time. Hope they are alright. Dad is turning god-knows-what on the 10th of June. Aamar Baba - God I havent seen him for ages! I am dying to get back home, to set foot on the Netaji Subhas Chandra Airport. To experience the first whiff of breeze, the smell, the cops with their suspicious looks...I guess its not too far away now - 13th of August - my DDay.
Sammie is freaking out about one exam which she has to take. Sometimes she really bugs me, but then its alright - its Sammie. No news from my classmates either - post graduate der world ta kemon jeno eka eka...Independent research is what they term it. I like to stick with the isolated-about-to-go-insane approach: it's more accurate.
Sometimes I doubt myself, my capabilities, my aims...in a very Hamlet kind of way (barring the madness of it all). PhD is THE thing that I wanted, aimed at; and now that I am on my way towards it, I have a certain fear of the unknown - terra incognita. Three more years in this godless, mechanical, rigid, monotonous, fucked-up country. It seems like starting all over again. People are right - time does fly...it seems only yesterday that I had come here, to England, to this Phoren land to do my B.A. I have (I would like to believe) grown as a human being during these years - lost some of my qualities, added others and compromised with some of my attitudes. Lekin Life's principles remain the same (not to mention the dont-fuck-with-me principle). Frankly, I have begun to integrate myself in this society. And very surprisingly I am supporting England in the Euro 2004 - a distant possibility I would have thought four years back. But I wonder if England has changed with me too? Will it accept me too? How does it matter? Are we to remain Asian forever - or can we be British with an Indian heritage? I am not saying that I would want to be one but these are questions that demand a politically correct answer in this increasingly diplomatic world. A slip here could well bring doom to oneself. My PhD topic (at some level) is all about the representation of ethnicity in the British culture. Has Britain evolved with the passage of time or has it remained static? Is there any movement? If not, kichu hobe ki? Kobe? How will we come to realise that such a thing is happening? Is there any black in the Union Jack? Is race everything? When will we dispose our colonial baggage - isnt it getting rather heavy and pricey?
I wish I had some answers. I wish I can get into the inner most minds of the white folks and tell them that we are here to stay! That Multiculturalism is as much a sham as Integration is. Britain IS changing - look out - watch the teeming millions walking down Oxford street sporting their Gucci bags. Its just not White. It never was.
God save the Queen.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home