Something of Myself

Of Aspiring Expats and Exiles

Its been four years now. Four years = 365 *4 = 1460 days in England. Over the years I have seen about 80 odd Indians (Desis) who have come here to take their degrees. One thing among the majority of them has been common - the absolute, uncompromising DESPERATION to settle here. Of course they carried their baggage of prejudices and pre-conceptions about England, but they have always had this burning desire to get a full-time job here and then stay here for good; even if it meant getting a MSc degree and then working at Dominos.

I wonder why.

Every desperation has some reason right? For me their reason is confounded. It is perhaps one of the strangest anomalies of contemporary migrant culture. They say its because of the money, the "quality" of life and the higher standard of living. Agreed that the standard of life is perhaps hundred times better than what they would end up with in India but money and "quality of life" seems rather disturbing for me to accept. Surely money is NOT the end-all and be-all of life, or is it? And what quality are you talking about when you slog your arse from nine to five, end up in the pub during the weekend and follow an almost ritualistic life. Its mechanical out here. Life here in England has no life in it. Life here is lifeless. What else can one expect when you have all your dear ones back home? If I work here and buy a Merc, a mansion, the most expensive surround sound tele - what's the fucking point if I dont have my close ones to share with? Isnt it a bit pointless? Or does it always boil down to your "own" needs and your "own" comforts and your "own" selfish desires?

Have we lost the art of being selfless?

Most desis who come here have loads of money. On an average they spend £8000 - £10,000 a year on tuition fees. Then you have the rent and other living expenses. If they are doing an expensive course like a MBA then you are perhaps looking at £14,000 - £19,000. Sure its their money and its their life and so they have the right to spend it on what they want! But - whats the objective? Here are some of the responses that I have come across:

"Baap ke gaddi pe behetna hain yaar."
"Oh, I have just come here to enjoy and have a good time" (In essence, vacation).
"It'll earn me a good qualification to get married to some IT lakhpati."
"I needed the freedom badly man. India is too cramped man. I needed space."
(And you HAVE to believe this): "Girls. White, blonde, blue-eyed girls. They are easy. They are whores. I like to fuck" (Somebody DID say this to me).

If your aim in life is to sit on the velvety gaddi that your dad has made for you, why fuck around here learning NOTHING?
Having a good time spending £20,000 in a single year??? Now even Bill Gates would think twice! (Does money come easy? Is your dad a smuggler? Or are you one?)
The marriage market surely IS expensive (I'd never want a daughter if this market doesnt die soon).
Come here to shag white babes?? Eh?? Come again?? How bizzarely fucked up is that?

And I shit you not, these are the people who will go through anything (including staying on as illegal-immigrants) to make a living here. These are the people who serve as the breeding ground for the prejudices of the Westerner. These people make the Oriental a living reality. In process they Orientalise India too. Therefore India remains a "developing" a.k.a. third world country from where people just want to get out - a filthy place that would put Coketown to shame!

But hey wait a minute! India is NOT like that. Indians are NOT beggars. We get your jobs because we deserve it. We get it because we want to take this experience with us and then share it amongst our folks back home. We come because the quality of the education is (to say the least) brilliant! We have come here because you gave us scholarships. You paid me to come here. Is this a dream I am dreaming? Or is it my illusion? Maya?

It pains me to see that people claim that India has given them nothing, she never will. They forget that it is THE country which made them. They are here because "once upon a time" they were there. All these things are idealistic they say - real life is about money and sex. Yeah right! Kiss my ass?!

Then these guys will procreate like parasites. They will have children who will boast of a British passport. They will swear by the Queen. But they will eat dal chawal at home. They will be neither British nor Indian. Of them the brilliant ones will write "The Buddha of Suburbia", or perhaps about "The Brick Lane" or may be even "White Teeth". They will win awards, they will rise to a standing ovation, their bank accounts will be clogged with sterling pounds, they will live like a celebrity. How many, do you think, will remember their ROOTS? No matter how strong the branches are, if you sever the roots, the tree will die an untimely death. But we are not trees, we are humans, innit? So we will die an internal death. We will sport the most whackiest hair cuts, pierce our eyebrows, revel in one-night stands but we will not know who we are.

Its about identity. Life is. The Life of an Indian in Britain is. Nobody gives much about it these days. Thats why we call them expats. Thats why when they visit India, people ask "when are you going back?" And when they stay here, Brits ask - "So where are you from ORIGINALLY?"

Toni Morrison mentioned this anecdote in her Nobel Lecture:
There was once an old woman. Blind and wise. One day the people of the town came to her to have a laugh at her. They placed a dead bird on her hands and asked her to guess if the bird was dead or alive. The lady replied: "I don't know whether the bird you are holding is dead or alive, but what I do know is that it is in your hands. It is in your hands."

She is an African-American. She understands the concept of hyphenated identity. Do we?