Something of Myself
Friday, October 29, 2004
The beginning of another arc.
This is an effort to convince myself, to assure myself that I have left behind all the brilliance of India and have come back again to a place where I can't say I belong but perhaps where I try to make a space for myself.
We will start once again - the empty room, the new faces together with the old streets, and the same pubs. It's a curious mxture, slightly ambivalent, slightly paradoxical - deja vu. When I sit on the plane and the moment it takes off there is something inside me that tells me that it's time again to get back to (what I call) the "student mode." This time I met people who made a deep impression on me, they have helped me to look at things in a different way and one of them has re-instilled my faith in human beings. To her I remain grateful.
Percy left today morning and that's the time I realised fully the meaning of being all alone in this place. The whole fucking idea of doing a PhD is isolating, there is very little room for social interaction. And me being the gregarious person that I am, it feels awful. But i remain hopeful. I believe I will meet people and touch them and interact with them and understand them and try to make them see that life is worth it even if it gets real difficult at times.
Missing Ma and Baba terribly. Jani na kemon ache ora. And missing Z. If you are reading this Z then this is the bit where I thank you for everything you have done. Thanks for being there, really appreciate it. Mean it.
Time now to go and do some dishes: the joys of being a bacheolar. :)
This is an effort to convince myself, to assure myself that I have left behind all the brilliance of India and have come back again to a place where I can't say I belong but perhaps where I try to make a space for myself.
We will start once again - the empty room, the new faces together with the old streets, and the same pubs. It's a curious mxture, slightly ambivalent, slightly paradoxical - deja vu. When I sit on the plane and the moment it takes off there is something inside me that tells me that it's time again to get back to (what I call) the "student mode." This time I met people who made a deep impression on me, they have helped me to look at things in a different way and one of them has re-instilled my faith in human beings. To her I remain grateful.
Percy left today morning and that's the time I realised fully the meaning of being all alone in this place. The whole fucking idea of doing a PhD is isolating, there is very little room for social interaction. And me being the gregarious person that I am, it feels awful. But i remain hopeful. I believe I will meet people and touch them and interact with them and understand them and try to make them see that life is worth it even if it gets real difficult at times.
Missing Ma and Baba terribly. Jani na kemon ache ora. And missing Z. If you are reading this Z then this is the bit where I thank you for everything you have done. Thanks for being there, really appreciate it. Mean it.
Time now to go and do some dishes: the joys of being a bacheolar. :)
1 Comments:
hey,
please take care, i know u will do really well in the PHD i just know it.The social animal you are you would fine people you can connect , i am sure of it. All the Best
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