Something of Myself
Friday, December 03, 2004
Fragmented thoughts...
Too much meat on my plate right now - don't know where to begin. Confused to be v honest.
The teaching went well. It was great. The initial 2 minutes of uncomfortableness was brilliantly eclipsed by the smile of one student, and the "but-pele-how-do-we-do-this" question of the other. It was as if, suddenly, within a moment, I had developed a bond with them - we signed an unwritten pact - they trusted me, I was answerable - it was burdensome to begin with but it was wonderful by the end. Teacher-student: yes, a noble relationship - as noble as the word noble signifies.
All of them were great. The best part was when the guys who normally keep quiet started speaking - that really gave me a kick! And I am told that by the end of the seminar they were whispering to each other - "wow, that was good, wasn't it?" (This was told to me by my Professor / "Colleague" who sat there observing my teaching). And if there is an iota of truth in the statement, then I am so delighted that I went through all the hard work that I had put in (including having 12 paracetamols the night before to tackle the flu).
Oh, and the BEST part - this girl walks up to me after the seminar and started asking me questions about her essay. For a moment, for a fraction of a second, I felt like Chris Brooks. And I know Chris is out there, somewhere, looking at me and smiling at his protege. I was doing everything that he did (in my way because Chris was God and you cannot imitate God) - I was striding up and down the class, I was asking people to come up to the board; at times I sat cross-legged, other times I asked them to tell me what they thought about so and so, I cracked jokes, I became serious and most importantly, I accepted them like they were.....
* * * *
OK. Today I dragged myself to town. The streets were full of people - christmas shopping you bet! But it was great to see them - just to be out of your room, your incarcerating dungeon to an empty space with fresh air and loads of people. This is what I like about life - people - good, bad, ugly, beautiful, handsome, pretty, vicious, malicious, despicable, brutes, infants, innocents, sexy sirens, oldies, black, white, brown - the variety is hard to express but there is one thing that is common to them - they happen to be humans. I am not able to write it and express it in the way I am wanting to - perhaps because the soreness of my throat is irritating me - but the point is that each of these faces that I see, nameless faces on the street, they have such an unique expression - some struggling to get back home, some enjoying the excursion, husbands crying about their wallets, wives romancing with their other halves, single mothers pushing themselves to make up for the "daddy", big brother listening to rap, the beggar playing tunes that deserve more than "some change", the teenage girl who has got the job to sell flyers, the paedophile who is watching her, the wrinkled hands of the nanny who reminds me of didu - and in the middle of it, Pele - making his way through, thinking of lost worlds and worlds to conquer, hearts to win, papers to read, money to make, his red blood cells fighting against the nasty viruses that have taken refuge in his system. He stands in the middle of it - in awe and bewilderment, wondering if he can ever grasp the meaning of life - the reason behind our existence!
If I ever said I hated life - I was drunk. This life, with all its realities and fuck-ups (if you will) is worth living.
P.S. Watched Kingsley's Gandhi after returning home. Next post should be on him if I can hold on to my thoughts. I love the man, and I am not too sure about the politician.
Too much meat on my plate right now - don't know where to begin. Confused to be v honest.
The teaching went well. It was great. The initial 2 minutes of uncomfortableness was brilliantly eclipsed by the smile of one student, and the "but-pele-how-do-we-do-this" question of the other. It was as if, suddenly, within a moment, I had developed a bond with them - we signed an unwritten pact - they trusted me, I was answerable - it was burdensome to begin with but it was wonderful by the end. Teacher-student: yes, a noble relationship - as noble as the word noble signifies.
All of them were great. The best part was when the guys who normally keep quiet started speaking - that really gave me a kick! And I am told that by the end of the seminar they were whispering to each other - "wow, that was good, wasn't it?" (This was told to me by my Professor / "Colleague" who sat there observing my teaching). And if there is an iota of truth in the statement, then I am so delighted that I went through all the hard work that I had put in (including having 12 paracetamols the night before to tackle the flu).
Oh, and the BEST part - this girl walks up to me after the seminar and started asking me questions about her essay. For a moment, for a fraction of a second, I felt like Chris Brooks. And I know Chris is out there, somewhere, looking at me and smiling at his protege. I was doing everything that he did (in my way because Chris was God and you cannot imitate God) - I was striding up and down the class, I was asking people to come up to the board; at times I sat cross-legged, other times I asked them to tell me what they thought about so and so, I cracked jokes, I became serious and most importantly, I accepted them like they were.....
* * * *
OK. Today I dragged myself to town. The streets were full of people - christmas shopping you bet! But it was great to see them - just to be out of your room, your incarcerating dungeon to an empty space with fresh air and loads of people. This is what I like about life - people - good, bad, ugly, beautiful, handsome, pretty, vicious, malicious, despicable, brutes, infants, innocents, sexy sirens, oldies, black, white, brown - the variety is hard to express but there is one thing that is common to them - they happen to be humans. I am not able to write it and express it in the way I am wanting to - perhaps because the soreness of my throat is irritating me - but the point is that each of these faces that I see, nameless faces on the street, they have such an unique expression - some struggling to get back home, some enjoying the excursion, husbands crying about their wallets, wives romancing with their other halves, single mothers pushing themselves to make up for the "daddy", big brother listening to rap, the beggar playing tunes that deserve more than "some change", the teenage girl who has got the job to sell flyers, the paedophile who is watching her, the wrinkled hands of the nanny who reminds me of didu - and in the middle of it, Pele - making his way through, thinking of lost worlds and worlds to conquer, hearts to win, papers to read, money to make, his red blood cells fighting against the nasty viruses that have taken refuge in his system. He stands in the middle of it - in awe and bewilderment, wondering if he can ever grasp the meaning of life - the reason behind our existence!
If I ever said I hated life - I was drunk. This life, with all its realities and fuck-ups (if you will) is worth living.
P.S. Watched Kingsley's Gandhi after returning home. Next post should be on him if I can hold on to my thoughts. I love the man, and I am not too sure about the politician.
2 Comments:
Pele, its was really good that ur seminar went well, happy about the fact in a short while u 'ere able to build a bond with ur students and above all excepted the way they are, that's really important.Thank gad that u got over ur nervousness, and did feel free to make them feel comfortable as well,i'm proud of u, i wish i was there sitting among ur students listening to u , being carried away with u.
Then ur trip to town was good i beleive coz i get to read a kind realisation which creeped in ur head, a different thought all together, specially the expresions that those people had on their faces and the way u actually analysed them, amazing that's the word.
after a while the whole thing was so vivid, felt as if i'm walking with u, the description of ur illness, was quite unique, as if could see the blood cells fighting with the viruses.
anyways pele get well soon so that u come up with better and good post like this one,and waiting to read ur post on Gandhi.
Glad that you liked it. Thanks for your comments. But who are you?
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