Something of Myself
Monday, December 13, 2004
Koshish.
Why is it that everytime I try that much harder, I come THAT much closer to what I want and then fail ultimately? Why?
You do the homework, the groundwork, the field-work, the research, you identify the loop-holes, you see through them, you exploit them, you manouvre them and then just when you are about to put your arms up in celebration - bang, stamped failure, try again! It's a funny feeling this - hoye o na hoya. It is moments during these that I tend to think about things like "luck" - am I lucky? Is there anything called luck (of course there is)?! What can I do to manipulate unseen forces? To be at fault because somebody else screwed up? To take the pain because I was let down? To get up and try all over again (with a bruised ass).
There is a sour feeling in my mouth, a rash inside, a pimple-like protrusion which won't get better unless I stop tonguing it. Problem is, I can't.
Never mind, I won't give up. I needed to sort it now but it's not happening. I am disappointed, not dejected. Life moves on, we all do, but it's things like these that leave an indelible mark on us, like the rough patches on one side of a well-handled cricket ball. The rough patches help the spinners, the shiny one helps the pacers - how does it help me? Where do I belong? Can I bowl at all? Will I get another over?
Two possible outcomes then: 1. I'll get belted all over the park 2. It'll be a maiden wicket over - 0 0 0 0 0 W.
I will come back for another one. I will.
p.s. pai ami kotha theke, kotha theke shahosh?
p.p.s. "money is not evil. greed is." what about necessity? how do you deal with it?
Why is it that everytime I try that much harder, I come THAT much closer to what I want and then fail ultimately? Why?
You do the homework, the groundwork, the field-work, the research, you identify the loop-holes, you see through them, you exploit them, you manouvre them and then just when you are about to put your arms up in celebration - bang, stamped failure, try again! It's a funny feeling this - hoye o na hoya. It is moments during these that I tend to think about things like "luck" - am I lucky? Is there anything called luck (of course there is)?! What can I do to manipulate unseen forces? To be at fault because somebody else screwed up? To take the pain because I was let down? To get up and try all over again (with a bruised ass).
There is a sour feeling in my mouth, a rash inside, a pimple-like protrusion which won't get better unless I stop tonguing it. Problem is, I can't.
Never mind, I won't give up. I needed to sort it now but it's not happening. I am disappointed, not dejected. Life moves on, we all do, but it's things like these that leave an indelible mark on us, like the rough patches on one side of a well-handled cricket ball. The rough patches help the spinners, the shiny one helps the pacers - how does it help me? Where do I belong? Can I bowl at all? Will I get another over?
Two possible outcomes then: 1. I'll get belted all over the park 2. It'll be a maiden wicket over - 0 0 0 0 0 W.
I will come back for another one. I will.
p.s. pai ami kotha theke, kotha theke shahosh?
p.p.s. "money is not evil. greed is." what about necessity? how do you deal with it?
8 Comments:
They wouldn't be unforeseen forces if you could be prepared for them. You tried and thats what matters and if that doesn't matter, nothing else would. Now get off that self-piteous, whiny talk and bite some dust :-)
Thank you for your comment. Is that Larry? Who is this? Please let me know. :) Ta!
Who's Larry? If I were a guy, I would like to call myself "I am the King" but God had a purpose and made me a woman since that Memphis Legend could use that line :-) I am Muse, I don't think we've ever met.
OK Muse. Nice to meet you. :) Thanks for visiting. You got a blog?
yes I do. http://mousse.rediffblogs.com. Let me warn you, its not as exciting as yours
That was quick lady. Cheers. :)
At my age, Devil, its hard to get it on and when you get it on, you want to get it off quickly because you definitely don't want to powder your nose again and Darcy (bo diddley, don't ask me who she is) won't help you with the mirror :-)
:) The Devil understands. ;)
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