Something of Myself
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Dirty living
I really don't know what I want. Totally and thoroughly confused. I wonder at times, if ANYTHING will EVER excite me. If anything will ever make me passionate. This is just drab living...'going with the flow', 'taking things as it comes', 'doing it because I don't have any other choice', 'moving on' because 'I have to'...
Aar kotodin?
Earlier, there was this will to fight, the will to burn, the will to strive, to seek, to find...yeah...whatever! It's like losing the reason to live. Incredible, isn't it, how one person, one moment, one laughter, one shouting, one single person can just keep you going for years and years? And just as I hit the question mark button, I realised that it is probably the one punctuation mark which neatly defines the state of my mind, my existence...
* * *
The other day I went to this shopping mall. I saw a child. About 3 years of age. She was so tiny. She could barely walk. She hadn't learned the art of it yet. She was holding her dad's little finger. Like I used to. Even when I was well past 18! And she faltered. And she fell. Her dad made sure she got up, made sure she didn't hurt herself, made sure she didn't give up...I saw them for about a minute. And it reminded me of a different world. One where I was not alone. One where I always had someone to lean on. One where one little finger always showed me the way. One lost world.
I smiled.
He has given me so much. So much to live for. So much to re-member. So much to just hold on to. So much to think about. So much love. It's weird 'cause despite all of this, I still do not feel like living. I am looking for an excuse. An alibi.
To escape.
We live to justify, do we? Huh! Whatever...
I really don't know what I want. Totally and thoroughly confused. I wonder at times, if ANYTHING will EVER excite me. If anything will ever make me passionate. This is just drab living...'going with the flow', 'taking things as it comes', 'doing it because I don't have any other choice', 'moving on' because 'I have to'...
Aar kotodin?
Earlier, there was this will to fight, the will to burn, the will to strive, to seek, to find...yeah...whatever! It's like losing the reason to live. Incredible, isn't it, how one person, one moment, one laughter, one shouting, one single person can just keep you going for years and years? And just as I hit the question mark button, I realised that it is probably the one punctuation mark which neatly defines the state of my mind, my existence...
* * *
The other day I went to this shopping mall. I saw a child. About 3 years of age. She was so tiny. She could barely walk. She hadn't learned the art of it yet. She was holding her dad's little finger. Like I used to. Even when I was well past 18! And she faltered. And she fell. Her dad made sure she got up, made sure she didn't hurt herself, made sure she didn't give up...I saw them for about a minute. And it reminded me of a different world. One where I was not alone. One where I always had someone to lean on. One where one little finger always showed me the way. One lost world.
I smiled.
He has given me so much. So much to live for. So much to re-member. So much to just hold on to. So much to think about. So much love. It's weird 'cause despite all of this, I still do not feel like living. I am looking for an excuse. An alibi.
To escape.
We live to justify, do we? Huh! Whatever...
4 Comments:
I SHARE A SIMILAR RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH MY PARENTS AND I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT HOW IT MAY FEEL TO LOST ANY ONE OF THEM.THEY TEACH US TO LIVE AND FIGHT. THEY ARE HERE TO GUIDE US and teach us the ways of life. But when they are not there with us we should live as they wanted us to be. There will be people who will look up to you for strength and comfort. When you become the strength of others you will find your dad all around you. you will find a lot meaning in life. try and live for him. like him. make him happy and proud wherever he is. he has made you what you are today. appreciate it.
Thank you for your thoughts. But who are you? I think I know you... ;) Princess?!
not princess. saloni.
Saloni. Nice name. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home