Something of Myself
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Yet another soddy attempt...
I don't manage to log-in much these days. Life's pretty much about home and office (well more of office and less of home)! I have probably lost my readers too. :(
I was going through my earlier posts today and was wondering how I have managed to lose touch with a side of me that used to crave for anything remotely associated to "literature". Life's taken such a drastic turn. I have come to understood what upside-down means. I have been introduced to the "real world." Something which I never wanted to face. At least not before thirty.
Earlier, I used to think about whether I will go back to UK or not. Whether I will again get back to doing my PhD or not. These days...well, I don't even get the time! The desire is still there. Dormant. Un-active.
Life's lost its meanings. And it's not just because I have lost my father. It's because of a whole lot of things that have spun off from his loss. The tertiary reasons so as to say.
I miss England. The crap weather. My unkept room. The pubs. The library. The pressure to perform well. To excel.
Yes, that is the one which I miss most. The drive to excel. I have somehow lost it. Don't even feel like excelling. It's more of a cog-in-the-wheel. I regret it. Never thought I would ever regret ANYTHING. Always thought life was too short for that. And now?
I want to get back to the world of Morrison, Kureishi, Dickens, Blake, Ellison, Tennyson...
The fictional world. Me. Words. Us. And them.
I don't manage to log-in much these days. Life's pretty much about home and office (well more of office and less of home)! I have probably lost my readers too. :(
I was going through my earlier posts today and was wondering how I have managed to lose touch with a side of me that used to crave for anything remotely associated to "literature". Life's taken such a drastic turn. I have come to understood what upside-down means. I have been introduced to the "real world." Something which I never wanted to face. At least not before thirty.
Earlier, I used to think about whether I will go back to UK or not. Whether I will again get back to doing my PhD or not. These days...well, I don't even get the time! The desire is still there. Dormant. Un-active.
Life's lost its meanings. And it's not just because I have lost my father. It's because of a whole lot of things that have spun off from his loss. The tertiary reasons so as to say.
I miss England. The crap weather. My unkept room. The pubs. The library. The pressure to perform well. To excel.
Yes, that is the one which I miss most. The drive to excel. I have somehow lost it. Don't even feel like excelling. It's more of a cog-in-the-wheel. I regret it. Never thought I would ever regret ANYTHING. Always thought life was too short for that. And now?
I want to get back to the world of Morrison, Kureishi, Dickens, Blake, Ellison, Tennyson...
The fictional world. Me. Words. Us. And them.
3 Comments:
was here
life is all about its twist and turns, otherwise it would have been too mundane, its about trying to be happy in what so ever the situation is like,and if lose the urge to excel,like becomes more drab,so try to excel in whatever u do, take care.
love u always.
hey,
Dont't worry maybe there is a reason behind this too, who knows what is written for you there.
Maybe 10 years down the line you would realise it. Life is just full of surprises and reality which we all want to run away from it and have to face it :(
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