Something of Myself

Random thoughts - not thought out

Endings are supposed to be difficult, are they? And what about beginnings? We are talking macro and micro stuff. We are talking serious stuff. We are talking stupid stuff. Stuff that makes up our lives.

Nations. People. Words. Cities. Communities.

Let go. Let in. Falter. Un-giving.

How do you feel when someone recedes away from you? Perhaps out of choice, perhaps out of compulsion, perhaps out of circumstances............... Betha ta kothay hoy? Keno hoy? Ki chai aamra? Kothay jeno, kichu ekta, kono rokom bhabe dhore rakhte chai. The incessant longing to hold on to things! Possession? Moments you share. You and Me. He and She. Two individuals. Just felt by them. Others can be a witness but can never actually feel what You and I feel. And then, at the blink of my eye...swoosh! Nike - Just do it! (Nice line Mr Nike Copywriter).

I tell people that I can let go. I tell mysef I HAVE to move on. But I so desperately want to hold on. When I was a little kid, and when Ma used to go to work. Everyday. Except Saturdays and Sundays...At times, half-awake, I used to pull her anchol and say - 'Ma, don't go today. Please.' At other times, I used to put up a post stick on the bathroom door saying pretty much the same thing!

It's an old habit. Old habits die hard, or so they say.

But do I really want to change myself? Can I do it? Can I leave dead bodies behind? Is there a tiny place left in me, my body, my soul, where, yet again, someone, somewhere might still punch a hole?

I'll be waiting. Carelessly.

P.S. Damn these slimy little things called Emotions!