Something of Myself
Monday, November 20, 2006
Thought Pools
Tired to my bones, I try to recollect some of the thoughts that have been preying on my mind over the weekend. I wish I had a Microsoft Word jacked into my body, so that whenever the words leaked, it could have been aptly typed out and saved in one of my partitioned hard drives (yes, my memory is partitioned). I have lost so many words, so many sentences, so many phrases, so many thoughts, just because I didn't have a pen and paper to put them down! I tried saving them as texts on my mobile but the damn thing doesn't store much! Aarggghhh!
One of the niggling thoughts that has been on my mind is the idea of a 'victim'. I can't remember which text it was, but there was one in my B.A. syllabus wherein we were de-constructing the idea of a 'victim.' The construct of being a victim is fascinating to me. What makes a victim? Who decides the fate of a victim? They say, history is written by victors; are victims invariably part of the losing side? Can there be a victorious victim? I tried knitting this thought further but failed to do it because of mundane responsibilities that we all have to take care of! But I have promised myself to get back to it and this is an attempt to serve as a reminder. :)
Following from that, I have been worrying about the idea of exploitation - the definition of it - the difficulty of defining exploitation plagues me [...]
He asked me if they fell in love when they got married or afterwards. I wasn't sure so I couldn't answer. The little child, who serves chai across the road, came up to me yesterday and begged for a rupee to buy a candy. I couldn't refuse. I ended up giving him ten. Does that make me kind or was it my frail attempt to feel good about myself (he had intense kind eyes though) in a world is essentially cruel and selfish [...]
She told me last night that they met up again and she couldn't let go of him. I smiled. I knew she won't be able to. She needed to get through this phase to understand that they are inseparable. Life's like that - it takes silly, un-noticed, lonely, soul-wrapping moments to weigh the odds - to realize that this pain, this fear, this love, this anger - all of it is what makes us human(e) [...]
Does the full stop imply anything else apart from a courteous notation that here is where my reader should pause?! Do we really exclaim at the sight of the exclamation mark? Do we only ask questions to ourselves when confronted with the question mark? Does the full stop imply the end of a thought or is it just a signal of continuity - hang on a second, that's the comma, isn't it and by the way, when do we put the apostophes? [...]
This post is a clear indication of the fact that my body is tired to the bones. I am going fucking crazy. I really am. :)
Tired to my bones, I try to recollect some of the thoughts that have been preying on my mind over the weekend. I wish I had a Microsoft Word jacked into my body, so that whenever the words leaked, it could have been aptly typed out and saved in one of my partitioned hard drives (yes, my memory is partitioned). I have lost so many words, so many sentences, so many phrases, so many thoughts, just because I didn't have a pen and paper to put them down! I tried saving them as texts on my mobile but the damn thing doesn't store much! Aarggghhh!
One of the niggling thoughts that has been on my mind is the idea of a 'victim'. I can't remember which text it was, but there was one in my B.A. syllabus wherein we were de-constructing the idea of a 'victim.' The construct of being a victim is fascinating to me. What makes a victim? Who decides the fate of a victim? They say, history is written by victors; are victims invariably part of the losing side? Can there be a victorious victim? I tried knitting this thought further but failed to do it because of mundane responsibilities that we all have to take care of! But I have promised myself to get back to it and this is an attempt to serve as a reminder. :)
Following from that, I have been worrying about the idea of exploitation - the definition of it - the difficulty of defining exploitation plagues me [...]
He asked me if they fell in love when they got married or afterwards. I wasn't sure so I couldn't answer. The little child, who serves chai across the road, came up to me yesterday and begged for a rupee to buy a candy. I couldn't refuse. I ended up giving him ten. Does that make me kind or was it my frail attempt to feel good about myself (he had intense kind eyes though) in a world is essentially cruel and selfish [...]
She told me last night that they met up again and she couldn't let go of him. I smiled. I knew she won't be able to. She needed to get through this phase to understand that they are inseparable. Life's like that - it takes silly, un-noticed, lonely, soul-wrapping moments to weigh the odds - to realize that this pain, this fear, this love, this anger - all of it is what makes us human(e) [...]
Does the full stop imply anything else apart from a courteous notation that here is where my reader should pause?! Do we really exclaim at the sight of the exclamation mark? Do we only ask questions to ourselves when confronted with the question mark? Does the full stop imply the end of a thought or is it just a signal of continuity - hang on a second, that's the comma, isn't it and by the way, when do we put the apostophes? [...]
This post is a clear indication of the fact that my body is tired to the bones. I am going fucking crazy. I really am. :)
1 Comments:
Hey, i hope u r fine. The post was disturbing, take care, we will talk tomorrow.
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