Something of Myself

It's all jumbled in my mind...I cant make any sense out of it...seems like the code of Matrix. But never mind, its worth trying to articulate what one is perhaps thinking of...

How do you measure purity? I mean, what do we mean when we say - that person is so pure?

Closely followed - how do me measure naivety? Innocence is a virtue in today's world. Most people today are stained by the ways of this world, but some manage (dont know how) to retain their innocence. They ask innocent questions, they react naively to abnormal situations...its like when she asks - "Does it really work like that? I am so stupid, I never realised that." I feel like saying - "No, you are not stupid or anything...bepar ta erokom...You are naive. I think so. Are you? Or is just your make-up that you wear for me - the make-up to put up with this make-believe world?"

I dont know.

I love innocence. I love it because thats the way I want to be. But I have lost it - somewhere, somehow...it just went away...Can I bring it back? Why do I have to be a "man"? Cant I be a kid? An insecured, vulnerable, scared-to-death innocent little kid? When people refer to me as a "kid" or a "kiddo" I just hate it...but at the same time, somewhere in the insides of my heart, I want to be one. I just dont want people to acknowledge it. It betrays the whole point then! After all we dont tell a child that he/she is innocent, do we? So why with adults?

I am turning insane. I dont know why. I am so confused. I have to get things together...somehow...quickly! But I want to know whats pure! I need to. I just told somebody that she was pure. After I said it, I kept wondering about what I meant. I couldnt find any answers. Its so frustrating when you have this question in your mind that explodes your brain time and again like some time-bombs going off in succession...All you can do is wait for the explosion to happen.

Or, you can simply ignore it.