Something of Myself
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Performing
It's been quite sometime since I got myself to write something. Didn't have anything to say. Just ramblings (as ever) and getting-on-with-life kind of attitude. Until I read a tiny quotation on a website that spoke of Greenblatt-like Self-Fashioning and Identity. Spoke of how we perform everyday. Bringing down (as if it's a bad thing) emotions and 'feelings' to the level of 'performance'.
E.g. - you like me in a certain way, so I behave (read: PERFORM) in that way to please you, to fit your bill (read: PERFORM) and in the process I get so used to it that it becomes my way of life - far, far away from the real me (read: UN-PERFORM).
It's like enacting a play. It's like working in a factory. It's like prostitution. It's like having sex when you don't want to. It's like life. Isn't it?
They say it takes ages to know a person. Hell, yes. But, do we know ourselves? Do we not just know bits and pieces of ourselves that has been constructed or is in the process of making? Illusions we have build for ourselves because we revel in it, because we take refuge in it, because we find comfort in it, because it heals, because it soothes, because it's peaceful, because that's the way we like it, because we are happier knowing (or pretending to know) that we know ourselves...that we are in full control of our lives...that we are doing exactly what we always wanted...that at times, we don't have a choice and it's convenient to leave it on fate...
Blame it on time. Blame it on sex. Blame it on money. Blame it on ego. Blame it on lies. Blame it on jealousy. Blame it on drugs. Blame it on men/women.
Play the blame game eh? Trouble is, where do we go from here?
When do the curtains fall? Tell me, when...
P.S. Thinking of closing this blog. Perhaps my thoughts, my words are more safe, more secured on a portable thumb drive that can be destroyed any moment, anytime and anywhere, leaving no trace of the ruins within...
It's been quite sometime since I got myself to write something. Didn't have anything to say. Just ramblings (as ever) and getting-on-with-life kind of attitude. Until I read a tiny quotation on a website that spoke of Greenblatt-like Self-Fashioning and Identity. Spoke of how we perform everyday. Bringing down (as if it's a bad thing) emotions and 'feelings' to the level of 'performance'.
E.g. - you like me in a certain way, so I behave (read: PERFORM) in that way to please you, to fit your bill (read: PERFORM) and in the process I get so used to it that it becomes my way of life - far, far away from the real me (read: UN-PERFORM).
It's like enacting a play. It's like working in a factory. It's like prostitution. It's like having sex when you don't want to. It's like life. Isn't it?
They say it takes ages to know a person. Hell, yes. But, do we know ourselves? Do we not just know bits and pieces of ourselves that has been constructed or is in the process of making? Illusions we have build for ourselves because we revel in it, because we take refuge in it, because we find comfort in it, because it heals, because it soothes, because it's peaceful, because that's the way we like it, because we are happier knowing (or pretending to know) that we know ourselves...that we are in full control of our lives...that we are doing exactly what we always wanted...that at times, we don't have a choice and it's convenient to leave it on fate...
Blame it on time. Blame it on sex. Blame it on money. Blame it on ego. Blame it on lies. Blame it on jealousy. Blame it on drugs. Blame it on men/women.
Play the blame game eh? Trouble is, where do we go from here?
When do the curtains fall? Tell me, when...
P.S. Thinking of closing this blog. Perhaps my thoughts, my words are more safe, more secured on a portable thumb drive that can be destroyed any moment, anytime and anywhere, leaving no trace of the ruins within...
