Something of Myself
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
After I die
After I die, I want people to remember me.
After I die, I want people to remember me as a fighter. Someone who never gave up. After I die, I want people to remember me as a guy who had no regrets. After I die, I want people to remember me as a person who was warm. After I die, I want people to remember me as a human being who always stood by others. After I die, I want people to remember me for my passion. For my modesty. After I die, I want people to remember me for the knowledge I shared with them. After I die, I want people to remember me for always wanting to know more, for being unashamedly curious.
After I die, I want people to remember me as an ordinary man. But I don't want to go unnoticed, like the teeming millions...lying dead because there weren't any excuses to live.
P.S. It's gonna take a helluva lot of time for me to make all these things happen. Hell, it's much easier to just die and be forgotten. Like dead today and un-remembered from tomorrow. Yeah, that's better, much better. Easier. Less complicated. Less pompous. ;)
After I die, I want people to remember me.
After I die, I want people to remember me as a fighter. Someone who never gave up. After I die, I want people to remember me as a guy who had no regrets. After I die, I want people to remember me as a person who was warm. After I die, I want people to remember me as a human being who always stood by others. After I die, I want people to remember me for my passion. For my modesty. After I die, I want people to remember me for the knowledge I shared with them. After I die, I want people to remember me for always wanting to know more, for being unashamedly curious.
After I die, I want people to remember me as an ordinary man. But I don't want to go unnoticed, like the teeming millions...lying dead because there weren't any excuses to live.
P.S. It's gonna take a helluva lot of time for me to make all these things happen. Hell, it's much easier to just die and be forgotten. Like dead today and un-remembered from tomorrow. Yeah, that's better, much better. Easier. Less complicated. Less pompous. ;)
Monday, September 26, 2005
When we're hungry...
Song in my head - just can't get over Eagles...keeps coming back! ;)
I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
Don’t you worry
Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I’ve found you
There’s no more emptiness inside
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
Song in my head - just can't get over Eagles...keeps coming back! ;)
I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
Don’t you worry
Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I’ve found you
There’s no more emptiness inside
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Scribble
This is a loose attempt, primarily because I am running short of time. Work pressure.
Have been thinking of writing something on ‘love’. The meaning of it. What we make of it. What it stands out to be. The seemingly in-between affair of it all. The fabrication. The distortion.
The conditions.
Why do we stop people from doing things, specially the ones we don’t like? If you stopped going to a brothel, would it make me love you more? If you started smoking, would I love you less? Habits are relatively easier to change but what about personality? Character? Mindset? Things which you have been all these years? For instance, you have learned that violence is of no use, so can I really persuade you to be violent for the sake of my love?
The blooming point of all this baffling is how important is it to change just because someone else wants you to change? I am not worried about the nature of change, but the need for it. Why can we not accept people just like the way they are? Where is the problem? Can we pin-point it?
Why can some people never say no to others while others do it with an amazing alacrity?
I am searching for answers. Quite desperate actually.
This is a loose attempt, primarily because I am running short of time. Work pressure.
Have been thinking of writing something on ‘love’. The meaning of it. What we make of it. What it stands out to be. The seemingly in-between affair of it all. The fabrication. The distortion.
The conditions.
Why do we stop people from doing things, specially the ones we don’t like? If you stopped going to a brothel, would it make me love you more? If you started smoking, would I love you less? Habits are relatively easier to change but what about personality? Character? Mindset? Things which you have been all these years? For instance, you have learned that violence is of no use, so can I really persuade you to be violent for the sake of my love?
The blooming point of all this baffling is how important is it to change just because someone else wants you to change? I am not worried about the nature of change, but the need for it. Why can we not accept people just like the way they are? Where is the problem? Can we pin-point it?
Why can some people never say no to others while others do it with an amazing alacrity?
I am searching for answers. Quite desperate actually.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Arbitary - Random
Feeling so much that its almost overwhelming. Overdose. Can we ever really be happy? What is taste? What is smell? What is sight? What are the senses? What is consciousness? The sense of being perhaps. But then again, Being is not just 'being', is it? Its about so much more. Mostly about desire. Sorry, desire spelt with a capital D!
Desire.
It was Winterson, wasn't it who said, Desire is like a waiter watching you all the while as you eat? Voyeuristic, is it? But what fascinates me is the ineluctability of it. Yeah, Joyce. What was it, ineluctable sense of modality?
The mind is going greyer, day by day. So difficult to remember these days. Feel like just living in the present. For today. As if yesterday were a lie. And tomorrow a dream. The reality - in-between. That is where the truth lies. The joy of living. Forever straddling two worlds. Never belonging. Displaced. Dislocated. Dysfunctional. But alive. More alive than you and me.
It's about beauty. It's about truth. It's about the only truth. It's about life. About death. About what we have forever struggled to define - real (ity).
Think about it. I have.
Feeling so much that its almost overwhelming. Overdose. Can we ever really be happy? What is taste? What is smell? What is sight? What are the senses? What is consciousness? The sense of being perhaps. But then again, Being is not just 'being', is it? Its about so much more. Mostly about desire. Sorry, desire spelt with a capital D!
Desire.
It was Winterson, wasn't it who said, Desire is like a waiter watching you all the while as you eat? Voyeuristic, is it? But what fascinates me is the ineluctability of it. Yeah, Joyce. What was it, ineluctable sense of modality?
The mind is going greyer, day by day. So difficult to remember these days. Feel like just living in the present. For today. As if yesterday were a lie. And tomorrow a dream. The reality - in-between. That is where the truth lies. The joy of living. Forever straddling two worlds. Never belonging. Displaced. Dislocated. Dysfunctional. But alive. More alive than you and me.
It's about beauty. It's about truth. It's about the only truth. It's about life. About death. About what we have forever struggled to define - real (ity).
Think about it. I have.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Salman Rushdie - Shalimar The Clown
High on Rushdie at the moment, the following just pulled away the rug under my feet...This is rare stuff...read on...
I'm everything you lost. You won't forgive me.
My memory keeps getting in the way of your history.
There is nothing to forgive. You won't forgive me.
I hid my pain even from myself; I revealed my pain only to myself.
There is everything to forgive. You can't forgive me.
If only somehow you could have been mine,
what would not have been possible in the world?
High on Rushdie at the moment, the following just pulled away the rug under my feet...This is rare stuff...read on...
I'm everything you lost. You won't forgive me.
My memory keeps getting in the way of your history.
There is nothing to forgive. You won't forgive me.
I hid my pain even from myself; I revealed my pain only to myself.
There is everything to forgive. You can't forgive me.
If only somehow you could have been mine,
what would not have been possible in the world?
Thursday, September 08, 2005
No word like fuck when you are angry
I have so much anger within me. Where do I keep it? How do I lock it? Most importantly, why? It's going to come out one day. Soon. And I fear myself. Because I don't think when I am real angry. Because then I don't care who I am talking to. Because then I don't camouflage my statements with lies....sprinkled all over. I speak the truth. In its rawest. And of course, it hurts others, but hey, dude, inside me, it plays havoc. Adulterates my blood. Poisons my thoughts. Paralyses me.
I have so much anger within me. Where do I keep it? How do I lock it? Most importantly, why? It's going to come out one day. Soon. And I fear myself. Because I don't think when I am real angry. Because then I don't care who I am talking to. Because then I don't camouflage my statements with lies....sprinkled all over. I speak the truth. In its rawest. And of course, it hurts others, but hey, dude, inside me, it plays havoc. Adulterates my blood. Poisons my thoughts. Paralyses me.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
What if...
What if beauty was undiminished? If Love stays forever? If desire were always fulfiled? If ageing could be controlled? Death undone. Lust conquered. Marriages lasted for a lifetime. If we could choose our relatives? If friendship were a contract? What if cryptography were a language we spoke? What if there is an unified solution to everything? What if people agreed that there were more than two ways of looking at things? What if education was the end-all of life? If life could be relived all over again? What if time could be rewinded? What if we had a control 'find' command for our everyday life? What if alcohol ran through our veins? What if it never rained? If loneliness could be defined. If murder was pardonable. If assasins were millionaires. If the child were indeed the father. If hunger could be controlled. If emptiness was a name of a pretty woman. If longing ceased to exist? What if everyone knew what they wanted? If men understood. If women never gave up. If guns were presented on birthdays. If want was not spelt as 'w-a-n-t'. If love had more than a syllable. If AIDS could be cured.
If Brutus didn't betray Caesar. If Odysseus gave up. If the Gods came down to us.
What if beauty was undiminished? If Love stays forever? If desire were always fulfiled? If ageing could be controlled? Death undone. Lust conquered. Marriages lasted for a lifetime. If we could choose our relatives? If friendship were a contract? What if cryptography were a language we spoke? What if there is an unified solution to everything? What if people agreed that there were more than two ways of looking at things? What if education was the end-all of life? If life could be relived all over again? What if time could be rewinded? What if we had a control 'find' command for our everyday life? What if alcohol ran through our veins? What if it never rained? If loneliness could be defined. If murder was pardonable. If assasins were millionaires. If the child were indeed the father. If hunger could be controlled. If emptiness was a name of a pretty woman. If longing ceased to exist? What if everyone knew what they wanted? If men understood. If women never gave up. If guns were presented on birthdays. If want was not spelt as 'w-a-n-t'. If love had more than a syllable. If AIDS could be cured.
If Brutus didn't betray Caesar. If Odysseus gave up. If the Gods came down to us.
