Something of Myself

amar chotur paashe shob kichu jai aashe
ami shudhu tusharito
gotihino dhara... (amay proshno kore neel drubo tara)

aaj ke to percy podbe eta..... khanki sala.

sala finally 2 down, 1 more to go! when i started i had to write 15,000 odd words. each word seemed like 20,000 words. yes each of them. but by god's grace, 10,000 down. its a very draining experience. like your blood and the entire energy is flushed out by the end of every hour you put in to write whatever crap on the word document.....pehele pehele i was so ill-equipped to write on the laptop / computer. aaj kal i cant write on paper! habit is a bad thing or so says baba....

well....i didnt get sleep last nite in the aim of fixing my body clock.....i am feeling like a fucked up zombie. dont know what i am writing. whats going on.....just know that hemanta is singing "poth harabo bolei ebar..."

tomorrow ma's b'day. hope she has a good day. she deserves every bit of it. my ma. ironically the first words i spoke were "bubba" and "bubbba" and finally "baaaba". but i do love her. she is a part of me that i am almost unaware of. its there, but its value is best judged by its absence. baba is cool. ma is special. special in a special way. i am writing all this because i know ma will never read this...she will never find out my love for her...she will always see me argue with her...the incessant fights that we have! :) i miss them. i miss her. i miss baba. sometimes i just want to take my laptop, my ipod, my phone and just head off for heathrow; get to the nearest ticket counter and tell them: "i need a ticket to cal. direct flight preferably. i want to go today. give it to me. dont worry about the money." alas, that aint happening cause of the last clause in that quote. :D

khair i am speaking shit.....so me go. you go. 26th is nearing. deadline. party time. night out. another drunken venture..

today baba rang me up. ma was ill. he was tensed. but he insisted that he was "first class": his patent remark about his state of being. always. i think (god forbid) even when he will breathe his last, moments before that (unlike others who ask for water or curse or apologise) he will mumble, "ami first class achi. dont worry." scary shit. but i guess i got to face this someday. i just hope its not too soon!

anyways on the brighter side, he told me that he has written a letter to me!!!!! yaaaa! that's number 3 in almost 4 years! yes, he is pathetic in that respects. onar jonne to talk over the phone is the easiest way out cause he keeps it short, sweet and direct. doesnt allow me to ask many questions, doesnt do it either. but baba's letters are always special because his writing is always punctuated with a poignancy which is hard to describe. and when he writes, i get to see the real baba behind all the bloody masks that he puts on for the world. even for "our" world. he gives me a glimpse of his fears, his prejudices, his hurt...in short he opens up this whole gamut of emotions which is very exciting and wonderful to read. not to mention that his handwriting is simply (to translate a bengali phrase) "pearls on paper."

anyways, i am reading up for my essays now...watched the UEFA cup quarter finals on tele. arsenal finally got their ass fucked yet again by chelsea this time. it was good cause arsenal were becoming arrogant and complacent. so after man u, it had to be!

aar ki? nothing much...did shopping....chicken, onions, tomato, daal, eggs, fish fingers, and tuna! all for £10.38 exactly and approximately! ;)

life needs to be given some kick start....its kind of rusty at the moment. dont know why. may be i do but i dont want to say it.....after all this is a blog for fuck sake! :D never mind...another time....